Juxtapose

Just when did God get so good to me?

Prayer meeting was really sweet tonight. All people have to say is, "Cass, I'm praying for you," and it just makes my day. I think, err.. what? They pray for me? Me, with the eight ear studs? Me, the silly, petty, emotional and wacky writer? Me, with bitten nails and ugly toes? Me, with the gap between my front teeth? What? It makes no sense to me. But it does. If God could love me, so many millions of billions of miles away from any semblance of perfection, then He's able to love a lot of people. And then I think of all those sweet old hymns of the beauty of God's mercy, and the overwhelming love that He has.. And right now, I can feel it. Now, at 9:05 PM, Wednesday night, June 19th of 2002, in Massachusetts, I am overcome to the point of tears. And I can hear my Mom explaining to my brother Ray, who is only three, about how far away hell is, but how real it is. And I hear him say, "Mommy, they nailed Him to a cross. And now He's with Mrs. Albert and Grandmom." And, oh, I'm so overwhelmed, I feel like I'm drowning. My throat is tight and my heart is constricted. God is so near, I can feel Him, I can taste His presence on the tip of my tongue, and His closeness is so precious. I feel like such a harlot, a whore, a wretch.

Why did He choose me?