Juxtapose

"Six Deceptions of Self - The Realization" (Why I Hate The Flesh)

Three AM and I?m up again,
With twenty-six letters
And near-infinite combinations of them
You?d think I?d figure out something:

Deceived more than once -
?Fooled me once, shame on you.
Fooled me twice, shame on me.? -
There is infinite shame on my name.

1. I?m waiting at the turnstiles.

Before: My fingers are stuck excitedly, happily
Inside the crevices between ancient bricks.
After: One more broken heart in the city.
?Whatsit gonna take this time, Cass??

2. I am waiting to pray.

It?s always about the same thing,
Nothing. I am hiding behind the fig tree.
Fooling myself into myself,
I am lost in my lies to me.

3. I am waiting on the phone.

Listening to you play that same piano,
Singing memories with tears in my eyes.
In your company, I forget that I?ve
Better places to be.

4. I am waiting in the car.

Before: I can?t get out because
The world isn?t kind to anyone.
After: I get out, forced to forfeit all
My self-indulgences. I hate it.

5. I am waiting by the bedside.

In the comfort of the past, however,
At least nothing can change
For the better or for the worse,
From what it once was.

P.S. Number six: I am waiting for you to die.

P.S.S. Number six is also a lie.