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The Crux
08/09/03
The Crux
Confronted by the crux of the matter,
The center, the axis,
Upon which all my sins spin
About me
Below
And above.
Sphere Confining.
Chewing on the bittersweet
Taste of insecurity -
My excuse and also my taste of hell -
In a landslide of purpose
(such-and-such to do; to be whatever)
I am continually felled by my own lusts.
To three I pay homage;
This unholy triad has incited my flesh,
Has blinded my eyes,
I have sacrificed to satiate my pride,
And for what?
Even bowing down to
My secret gods,
My idols-in-waiting.
The downslide continual,
Yet I flow upwards, contrary
To all that I wish to do.
I suffer without Him,
Nevertheless, I claw against
Him,
Much to my own demise.
Nay, all to my demise.
Some say to wait for the crowns.
Too often I am convinced:
There will not be
A single jewel saved
For a sinner such as I.
5 comments
"For clothes in that country are not a disguise: the spiritual body lives along each thread and turns them into living organs. A robe or a crown is there as much one of the wearer's features as a lip or an eye." Along with other things that I believe will be on everyone's mind as we stand at the judgment seat of Christ is (first) the awe of finally seeing our Saviour face to face and (secondly) the thought that I should have been more faithful in my Christian walk.
No matter how many jewels we are given, even one would be more than any one of us would deserve. I don't know how it would be possible to be awed by Him and move on to ourselves. It would make more sense if for one quick, piercing second, we thought of our own unfaithfulness, and then were swallowed up in the truth of His faithfulness. One of my biggest problems here on earth is that I focus too much on myself. When I really glimpse Him, one way or another, mercy and grace leave me far behind. I see your point but I wonder if our experience will be like that of Isaiah (see Isaiah 6) when he was brought into the presence of the Most High God. His first impression was seeing and hearing the angels in their chorus of "Holy, holy, holy is the LORD of Hosts." From realizing the awesome holiness and majesty of YHWH, his own state was exposed as holiness will always expose sin. Of course, our experience in the Judgment Seat of Christ will be different because we will be standing there as redeemed saints and will not be judged for sins because the Messiah's blood was sufficient. 
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