Juxtapose

Sarah has spoken truth. Hanging your stethoscope over the rearview mirror of your car as a nursing student is totally, totally hip. The way I see it, having to deal with all this absurd education, studying day and night, getting no sleep, and emptying commodes constantly gives me every right to be proud that I've made it thusfar. Or maybe "proud" isn't quite the word. "Grateful" would probably be better. I feel that hanging your scope from your mirror is one of the small joys of nursing school. Really, it's right up there with giving intramuscular shots, smiles from little old sick ladies, and having patients introduce you to their families and say, "This is the girl that's taking good care of me." Yes.
But so true, Sar. Scopes over the rearview are not only hip, but practical. Clinical mornings are always a rush. Furthermore, they always seem to be incredibly discombobulated. Last semester I spent almost all night awake in my bed, either crying with dismay or shaking with fear (or both), and wishing I could just fall asleep. By the time 5:15 AM rolled around all too quickly, I'd spring out of bed like a shot at the mere sound of the electrical impulses in the wires of my alarm traveling down to set WERS's morning program blasting out of my little black clock. I'd scramble around for ten minutes in the blackness, collecting my scrubs, my books, and my paperwork and run like the dickens down the stairs to take a shower. In the shower, I'd cry because I was overtired and nervous, and because, undoubtedly, I left my pants/shirt/underwear/shampoo upstairs in my room. I'd get out of the shower, fix my hair, and look disdainfully into the fridge, my stomach doing pole vaults and long jumps, and skip breakfast. I'd finally get out the door and into my car in the cold, only to realize that the reason I couldn't see anything and my head hurt so badly was that my glasses were still on my desk in my room. Muttering under my breath, I'd finally get to clinical, only to remember that I forgot my name badge/scope/head. It never failed. Or else, if I had some important paper due, undoubtedly I'd make my entire way into the hospital from the veeeerrry back of the employee parking lot, up the stairs to the third floor and to my unit, and I'd realize that the paper was still sitting on the passenger seat of my car, an index card with Sharpie on it reminding me to "BRING THIS WITH ME TO CLINICAL!!!!," taped to its corner. Mocking me.

One of my finer moments was when they were having parking lot renovations at the hospital, so I had to park in this residual back lot in the middle of nowhere, a literal seven minute walk to even get to the wrong side of the hospital from where I was supposed to be. I had put on my regular sneakers that morning because it was snowy out and I didn't want my white clinical shoes to get all wet and dirty, so I carried them along with me and was going to put them on once I got into the hospital. After parking in the literal farthest spot away from the hospital, I walked all the way to the door, looked at my reflection, and realized that not only was I still wearing my black sneakers (big No-No in Clinical Instructor World), and not only did I leave my nursing shoes in the car (Bigger), but I was already ten minutes late in getting up to my floor (Biggest). Thankfully, though I got to the floor twenty minutes late, it turned out that it was all providential anyhow, since I had also left my scope in my car as well. Ha-ha! Memories I will likely never forget.

Now, a semester later into clinicals, I've become a little more relaxed. I still occasionally have nightmares all night about missing clinical... nightmares about being sick and having to make up a clinical... going to clinical in my street clothes... killing a patient at clinical... But I wake up without any tears, and I seem to have it all together a lot more now. I've cut out a lot of the unneccessaries of clinical mornings in an attempt to simplify the steps needed to get out the door in one (reasonable) piece.

At this point my clinical mornings have been pared down to this:

*Alarm goes off.
*I roll out of bed (literally).
*I put on my glasses.
*I I put on my socks and sneakers.
*I pick up my bag.
*I check the mirror on the way out of my room to make sure I haven't forgotten my face.
*I brush my teeth.
*I leave the house and drive to clinical.

I do everything the night before, really. At this point, it's bordering on ridiculous. I take a shower, put on my scrubs, and put my hair up - all the night before. If I care enough, I even put on my makeup then. Like I said, ridiculous. My scope with my badge attached to it is looped around my rearview mirror; my drug, lab value, and medical encyclopedia books are on my passenger seat; and there's a pack of gum on the dash to chew on for breakfast and quarters in the center console to pay for lunch. My papers are all ordered into a $4.99 WalMart fan-out folder before my head hits the pillow the night before, and anything I want to remember in the morning besides, "Wake up. Put on glasses. Go to clinical," must (MUST!) be written in bold on an index card and placed squarely on top of my wallet, keys, and phone, all of which are on top of my schoolbag, in order for me to remember it.

This routine gives me some advantages in that I can sleep until five or ten minutes before I have to leave in the morning, which means I can get up at around 6 AM, rather than 5:30. I also don't have to deal with those ordinarily pesky nuances of looking presentable. Wardrobe? Already wearing it, and if it's wrinkled that's too darn bad because there's no time to iron. Makeup? It's too dark to see what my face looks like anyways. Nourishing breakfast? Drink lots of water and you don't have to eat!

I am a nursing student MACHINE.