Juxtapose

Sometimes the pain of other people's problems hurts me more than my own problems.

Why can't I fix the world? Why can't all little kids have nice mommies who love them and who don't send them to suicide crisis centers at 14? Why can't all little kids not have MD? Why can't people know that they'll see everyone they love in heaven? Why can't everything be Eden again?

I know it is because of That Sin. The Disobedience Sin. The most notorious and the root of all sins is far too prevalent. Every sin stems to our need and desire to disobey the most fundamental and easy rules of life under God. It shouldn't be that hard for us to obey, but it is, and we pay so dearly for our errors.

"Lord, I wouldn't have eaten the fruit," I want to say. I want to say it so badly, but I fear His reply. There are so many pains - the truest of pains. Not pains that can be fixed with a band-aid and bacitracin. I'm now seeing my prophecies about my cousin Andrea come true. Everything I've seen about to happen to her since she was 3 years old is coming to pass. Her mother's actions are causing all my predictions to become true, and I hate the fact that I ever predicted them. Suicide prevention programs, foster care, sordid sick twisted stories of life that a girl of fourteen shouldn't ever have to know about. Band-aids and antibacterial spray don't heal broken hearts.

I have too many questions. I know the only answer is that God is sovereign. But how can I understand that? How can I understand that he is in control, when I do not know what control truly is? I do not even know how to ask Him, for all I can see are the tears blurring my vision.