Juxtapose

Reading through my favorite book of the Bible this morning, Hosea, I came across words in the margin that I probably wrote ten years ago; "God fulfills the promises we make but can't keep."

I thought of Hosea and his sad but beautiful story where he marries a wife he knows will leave him for some lesser man, some lover who would be so disgusting that he would take another man's wife, someone's mother, into his own bed. But God gives the prompts, and Hosea goes back over and over again, buying her back with whatever he had, persuading her with love and promises that he did keep himself. God talks to Israel in this book using Hosea as His example, and He says, someday, Gomer-Israel, I will call you back and you will take it seriously. Someday, you will stop calling me "Master" as if I own you, but you'll call me "Husband" because I love you.

Then I thought of Gomer and how, I don't know. Maybe she was what we think of as this trampy woman, selling herself to men for whatever she could gain.. But maybe she was just a very lost woman, who looked a lot like me, never fully committing, always being drawn away by something that looked more desirable than a steady loving Husband.

I can't even think, can't fathom the possibility of leaving the comfort of my husband here, my best friend, my first love, for anyone else. To me, there is nobody better equipped to love me and care for me, and nobody I enjoy caring for and loving more than this Mark. I see him, I know him, we are one person yet distinctly separate.

...And yet to my God, who comforts perfectly, who desires my faith purely, who pursues me with blessings and love even when I am least faithful myself, I find myself always walking astray. And He finds me again, and again. He takes me to the wilderness, speaks quietly to me, and tells me, one more time, and one more time, and one more time, that I am His, and even should I ignore that fact, He will never even look, never think a thought about another besides me. Faithfulness. That's who my God is. He makes good of my marriage vows to Him even when I do not keep them myself.